You know, I don’t remember a lot of my life. My brilliant, psychologist mother told me that in order to make memories, you have to think about your experiences. Actively thinking about things that happen to you moves your thoughts from short-term to long-term memories. I think this is where I go wrong.
I’ve always been the kind of person who is focused on the future. As a child, I always wanted to be grown-up. As a teenager, I was always planning the Next Best Thing. As I’ve grown older and settled into myself (and, let’s not forget, since I’ve been diagnosed with and medicated for having bipolar), I think I’ve gotten better about actively thinking about the present, but there’s still plenty of room for improvement! And honestly… Five, ten, fifty years from now, I want to have something to look back on and be able to say, “Wow. How interesting that that’s what I was thinking about, or that’s what I was doing when I was 23.” I’d love to have a written record of my life. For when, you know, I need to publish an autobiography or a memoir. MEMOIRS–I never understood how some people could remember their whole lives well enough to publish a freaking book accounting their lives (even though we all know memoirs involve some element of exaggeration or fiction).
So right now, at this moment, what is important to me? I’ll go through a bit of a list to set the stage for what I’ll undoubtedly be writing about over the next while.
My marriage is of course the most important thing in my life right now, and for all time (until children come along and become equally important. More on that later.). I am amazed every single day of my life how lucky I am to have found my best friend and to spend every day and night knowing that he loves me unconditionally. I honestly never could have imagined what it would be like to feel this way about another human being, and to know that he feels the same way for me. Yeah, we have struggles–every marriage does–but I truly believe that we have perfect trust and beautiful love. I’m a year and a half into the rest of my life with him and not a day goes by that I don’t cherish what we have and marvel in its imperfect perfection, its sincerity, its tenderness. I have learned so much from him, and look forward to every day with him. Ugh, I can’t even say any more words about it right now. That Man Is My Everything. In capital letters.
I’m thinking a lot about my garden. This is probably my most important hobby. I have peas, spinach, onions, arugula, beets, and lettuce planted at the moment. The peas and lettuce are coming up nicely so far. Haha, this seems like a very mundane thing to talk about after the sappiness of the last paragraph, but it’s very emotionally fulfilling. I had great success with my garden last year, and it really made me feel good about myself to feed my family. And to be impressive. I do like to be impressive (will probably cover this in another post).
I like my job at Carrabba’s, and I feel like they value me. It’s good to have a job you like, that makes you good money.
Right now I’m looking forward to going to Bonnaroo music festival in June. It will be a fun time seeing bands and reconnecting with an old high school friend. Hurrah!
And… That’s really the basics of all I think about these days. Exciting life!